Jerry: It was a scratch!

4.13 - The Pick

Newman: Okay, what is it?
Jerry: Here, take a look at this card, tell me if you notice anything unusual about it.
Newman: Yeah, your nipple’s showing.
Jerry: Okay, thanks.
Newman: Anything else?
Jerry: No.
Newman: Alright. See you later.

4.13 - The Pick

George: It never ends, this present stuff. Engagement present, then they get married, you gotta get ‘em something for that. Then a baby, there’s another present. Then the baby’s gettin’ their presents. I don’t even like Drake!
Jerry: You don’t like the Drake?
George: Hate the Drake.
Elaine: I love the Drake!
Jerry: How could you not like the Drake?
George: Who’s the Drake?
Elaine: Who’s the Drake?!
Jerry: The Drake is good!

4.22 - The Handicap Spot

George: Hey! How come I didn’t get a Christmas card? Everybody else got one! Jerry got one! Kramer got one! I thought we were good friends! I don’t get a Christmas card. I don’t get it.
Elaine: You want a Christmas card? You want a Christmas card?! Alright, here! Here’s your Christmas card!

4.13 - The Pick

Ticket Clerk: Alright, sir. Now all I need is a death certificate and you’ll be on your way.
George: Well, you see, what happened was, uh, the doctor, the very same doctor that was attending my late aunt, suffered an untimely stroke, and, uh, lost the use of his right hand, so, obviously, I was unable to get the death certificate. However, I do have this.
Ticket Clerk: What’s this?
George: That’s a picture of me next to the coffin.
Ticket Clerk: Nice try.
George: Not even close, huh?
Ticket Clerk: No.

4.19 - The Implants

Jerry: Well, every time he tries to make a move, something screws up. Like on their last date, they were on the couch, but she was sitting on his wrong side.
Elaine: Wrong side?
Jerry: Yeah, she was on his right side. He can’t make a move with his left hand. Can’t go left.

4.19 - The Implants

Timmy: What are you doing?
George: What?
Timmy: Did - Did you just double-dip that chip?
George: Excuse me?
Timmy: You double-dipped the chip!
George: Double-dip? What - what are you talking about?
Timmy: You dipped the chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again.
George: So?
Timmy: That’s like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! Look, from now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it!
George: Well, I’m sorry, Timmy, but I don’t dip that way.
Timmy: Oh, you don’t, huh?
George: You dip the way you want to dip, (double-dips), I’ll dip the way I want to dip.
Timmy: Give me the chip!

4.19 - The Implants

Ticket Attendant: I have one seat in first class and one in coach. The price is the same because your flight was canceled.
Jerry: I’ll take the first class.
Elaine: Jerry!
Jerry: What?
Elaine: Why should you get the first class?
Jerry: Elaine, have you ever flown first class?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: All right then. See? You won’t know what you’re missing. I’ve flown first class, Elaine. I can’t go back to coach. I can’t… I won’t.
Elaine: You flew here coach.
Jerry: Yeah, that’s a point…
Elaine: Alright, fine. I don’t care. If the plane crashes, everybody in first class is going to die, anyway.
Jerry: Yeah, I’m sure you’ll live.

4.12 - The Airport

Mrs. Oliver: It’s my goiter, isn’t it?

4.18 - The Old Man

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