Jerry: They act like it was some act of charity just goin’ out with her!
George: Well, she’s the loser of the group. Every group has someone that they all make fun of. Like us with Elaine.
8.14 - The Van Buren Boys
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George: Hey, why are all those people milling around my car?
Jerry: Maybe they’re admiring your spot.
Kramer: They’re looking up.
George: Hey, there’s a guy up on the roof!
Kramer: Whoa. That’s the guy I told where the elevator was.
George: Oh my god, I hope he doesn’t jump — OH MY GOD! MY CAR! MY CAAAAAAAR!!!
5.05 - The Bris
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Jerry: Ah, you don’t need a job! You got Audrey!
George: Eh. Right.
Jerry: What’s the matter?
George: No, nothing.
George: You won’t think I’m a bad person?
Jerry: Too late for that.
George: ‘Cause believe me, I would only say this to you and maybe a psychiatrist. Maybe.
Jerry: What is it?
George: Well, her nose is a little big.
Jerry: Yeah, she’s got a big nose.
George: I mean, big would even be okay. It’s a little beyond big.
Jerry: Hm. It’s a schnoz.
George: Now, I’m aware that my own physical dimensions are perhaps a little short of perfection.
Jerry: A little.
George: So who am I to be thinking about someone’s nose? I mean, I should be grateful someone like her even looks at me! I have no job, nothing! But I have to say, I think about the nose. I don’t wanna think about the nose, I don’t ask to think about the nose, but I think about it. I go to bed at night, I tell myself ‘Don’t think about the nose, forget the nose!’, but I think about it! I look at her, I see…nose.
3.09 - The Nose Job
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Elaine: Hey, my god, look at that. It’s David and Beth Lookner. You know, I heard a rumor their marriage is a little rocky.
Jerry: Really? You know, I have a little thing for Beth Lookner.
Elaine: Well, I have to admit I’ve always thought David was kind of…spongeworthy.
Jerry: Yeah. I’ve been waiting out their marriage for three years.
Elaine: Yeah. Me, too. Well, I’ve been waiting out two or three marriages, but this is the one I really have my eye on.
7.23 - The Wait Out
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9.22 - The Clip Show
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George: Me, you, and Kramer are, uh, flying over the Andes.
Jerry: Why are we flying over the Andes?
George: We got a soccer game in Chile. Anyway, the plane crashes. Who are you gonna eat to survive?
George: So fast? What about me?
George: Kramer’s so stringy. I-I-I’m plump. Juicy.
Jerry: Kramer’s got more muscle. Higher protein content. Better for you.
George: Well, I would eat you.
Jerry: That’s very nice. I guess.
George: I still don’t see why you wouldn’t eat me. I’m your best friend!
Jerry: Look, if other people are having some, I’ll try you!
George: Thank you.
8.09 - The Abstinence
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George: Maybe you said something that offended her.
Jerry: The only thing I can think of is I told her we should have those moving walkways all over the city.
George: Like at the airport?
George: That’s a great idea!
Jerry: Tell me about it!
George: We could be zipping all over the place!
Jerry: They could at least try it.
George: They never try anything!
Jerry: What’s the harm?
George: No harm!
5.15 - The Pie
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Elaine: Three hours of sleep again last night. Three hours of sleep because of that dog.
Kramer: What dog?
Jerry: Why don’t you call the police?
Elaine: I did, Jerry. They won’t do anything.
Kramer: Yeah, what dog?
Elaine: There is this dog in the courtyard across my bedroom window that never ever stops barking. I lost my voice just screaming at this thing! I can’t sleep, I can’t work! I mean, I just moved. I can’t move again! What am I gonna do? What?! What am I gonna do?!
Kramer: Well, there is something you can do.
Elaine: What? Kramer, I’ll do anything.
Kramer: Well, what if there should be an unfortunate accident?
Jerry: You’re gonna rub out the dog?!
Kramer: No, no, not me. I just happen to know someone who specializes in exactly these kinds of sticky situations.
Jerry: What, you’re considering this?
7.01 - The Engagement
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Jerry: She wants to talk.
George: She doesn’t want to talk; she needs to talk.
Jerry: Nobody needs to talk.
George: Who would want to? She tried to break up with me, Jerry.
Jerry: What’d you do?
George: I told her I was out of soda. I went out to get some and I never went back.
8.15 - The Susie
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George: Hey, maybe this will become like, a cool thing. Living with your parents.
Jerry: Yeah, then maybe baldness will catch on. Things will all be turning your way.
George: Hey, believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they’re gonna relate to? Who do you think’s gonna be the first ones to get to tour the ship?
Jerry: The baldies.
5.19 - The Raincoats
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